learn life...

October is gonna be an events-filled month for me...my convocation is scheduled in this month...it's gonna be a time of re-union with my course-mates again...and friends who have not seen for monthss :)) I'm excited but at the same time I do not expect much for this...I do not have special feelings like oh it's gonna be my big day...no! not sure why I do not have that anticipation.. Or may be because deep in my heart I know that something is missing...it is in time like this that I miss my dad even more...so much that I hope he is here...things will definitely be different... be so much better...

His absence have left lots of changes to our lives..to my life..changes that till now I still find it hard to fit in...I've tried my best to do whatever I can for the things that I supposed to do...take up the burdens that I have to bear...but nothing seems to be right...it does not seems to be rewarding...

Today particularly...I felt all I have done all these while does not seems to be appreciated...and yet there are only dissatisfaction and discontentment in returns.. did I not done my part well enough...I thought I have sacrificed my time and perhaps my life on the past few years just for all of these...it was hurting...

Well, I do not blame anyone on this... I take this as trials in life...trials to make us stronger...make us realized that life is not just what we expect them to be...but God is in full control of our lives...I will only point the finger to myself for not being tough enough for these circumstances...

**learn life while living this life